I don't really need my seat belt on to go two blocks anymore...

Three years ago I wrote a post entitled "I want my seat belt mommy!"  Read it before you continue with this post.

Great post right?  Bitter sweet to read three years later.  I had forgotten about the post.  I had forgotten about this blog!  I have been so very busy with my kids.  But this morning I decided to troll my own forgotten blog.  I read a few posts and laughed.  Then I came to "I want my seat belt".

I was right you know.  It all mattered.  Allowing him to sit and scream for 3 hours and not putting him back in the car actually worked.  Just as not driving the same way home or to the store as he screamed in the back seat.  It all worked.

He isn't the same little boy anymore.  He is six years old and he is amazing.  He was always amazing.  But he doesn't have the ridged rules of operation he used to have.  Things don't have to always be the same.  We do different around here.

I am different then I used to be.  It doesn't affect me anymore when people say they never would have guessed there was anything different about him.  Today I smile and say thank you.  It is a testament to the hard work we put in to him.

It is a testament to the hard work he did himself.

It Is That Cool

Yesterday my 3 year old son Logan came into the living room wearing his swim trunks and said "Mommy I am ready to go to the beach lets go!"

This may not seem very significant to most people. But it made me cry. Yes I am a sappy mom, also 5 months pregnant. But it was more then that.

Logan is autistic. Six months ago he couldn't tell me he wanted to go to the beach let alone take his cloths off, and put on something different. With a purpose. He wanted something, got his trunks out, put them on and then declared his want. This is huge for him.

I have to call his teacher today and tell her. It is that cool.

God bless the Fountain Valley School District and their incredible Autism Program.

Party for Fourth Baby!

I have decided to have a baby shower for my fourth baby.

I wasn't sure if I was going to since it IS my fourth baby and all the etiquette questions come in to play.

But after all I am going through to get this little baby here, I want to celebrate! I am only 19 weeks this week so I know that it is still really early to start to plan something, but I am going to start anyway!

Here is the kicker, we aren't going to find out if it is a boy or girl. I have never been to a baby shower where we didn't know the gender. Our grandmothers and mothers generations had it hard! They are all rolling their eyes at us now!

I don't really care what people bring I just want to have a party! Many of my friends can attest to the fact I just really like to see all the people I love!

It is these moments that I am glad I live in CA where we don't have etiquette rules about baby showers for fourth children. Heck we don't have many etiquette rules as it is!

Here is how I see it, we should give this little person a party now because in a couple of years it will be the one forgotten in the house as I load up everyone else. Or the one that all the other kids pick on because it is the youngest. It will be the kid in all the hand me down cloths. He or she will never get a way with anything and pay the price of experienced parents. Because the other three will have already tried that excuse and we learn from our mistakes. This kid isn't going to have it's own room till Gwen goes to college.

So who's with me to throw a party for this kid?!?!

Better Choices for Daddy

Last night we had corn on the cob for dinner.

As my husband Travis started to cut his corn off of the cob, our three year old son Logan said "No daddy, you aren't supposed to do that."

Travis of course continued to cut his corn off of the cob and eat it. This was not acceptable to Logan. He got down out of his chair and announced "Daddy, you have to go to time out". Travis was sitting in a swivel chair and Logan swung him around and said "You stay in time out daddy."

Scarlett our two year old said "Oh, no daddy! I help", and turned her daddy back around.

Logan came over and pushed daddy into the corner and said "Daddy you go to time out till you can learn to make better choices."

The rest of us were rolling on the floor by this time. Daddy agreed to make better choices and was released from time out.

Good for Daddy.

Balance

My husband is a rock star of a provider for his family.

I never worry about wither or not there will be money coming in. He is just one of those guys that always does what he is supposed to do.

So when I was put on bed rest for an undetermined amount of time I never worried about him stepping up to the plate and doing what was needed to be done. Same for my family, I knew they would circle the wagons.

However, while I was stressing out about keeping this little nugget alive and well in my womb, he was stressing out about how in the world he was going to pull this off.

My family has stepped in to take of things while he is at work. They are doing a great job, better than if we hired someone.

So I was confused by his level of stress the other day. That was when he told me about the balance. Not that he called it that, he thought of it more like the trust.

I never thought if it from his point of view. Where I never think about the money coming in on payday, he never thinks about wither or not his kids are being taken care of at home.

I am a rock star of a mom. I get the job done. I am just one of those women that always does what I have to do to take care of my kids. (Laundry is another story).

Now he has to think about it ALL. It isn't a discredit to my family or his for their part in this journey we are on. It is naturally hard to just turn over the most precious people in your lives to someone else's care.

In a strange way it made me feel loved. There was this moment during our talk when I realized how much he trusts me and how scary this must be for him to have me out of commission.

We had a balance. That balance is now teetered all the way onto his side of the scales. But like a true champion of a dad and husband, he is baring the weight of it all beautifully.

Some things just make you stronger.

Mommy's Do What Mommy's Have To Do

When I found out I was pregnant with my 4th child I can honestly say I was shocked and a bit disturbed by it. As the busy mother of three kids it seemed impossible that I could have another one.

Not to mention that my 3 year old son is autistic and 2 year old daughter has really bad asthma and has been hospitalized several times in the last year.

I felt like an immature teenager that had "gotten knocked up". I felt embarrassed at times to tell people. Because I know what I would think about my situation. How could they not.

Then I made peace with it. I decided that this baby deserved to be loved and protected just as much as my other children. So when I had a gush of bleeding at the hospital last week, I was absolutely devastated. I was so sure I had lost my baby. My heart was shattered. When my husband came into the ER room, I just sobbed on him and kept saying how sorry I was. I felt like I had done something to our child.

When we went in for the ultrasound, I couldn't look at the screen. My husband pointed and said "Look, Jen". I could see the tears in his eyes. I turned and looked, and there was our baby. Heart beating and waving his/her little hands and kicking up a storm.

I was over joyed.

We found out what had caused the bleeding was a Subchorionic Hemorrhage that is about 50% of my placenta. Not good. Hence why I am on bed-rest.

So while bed rest sucks, I have made a vow to this little baby, to do everything I can to keep him/her in the oven till they are done cooking.

I am 14 weeks pregnant this week. I can't imagine being on bed-rest for the duration of my pregnancy, but mommy's do what mommy's have to do.

Sing, Sing a Song

Singing is good for the soul, even if sung out of key. One of my favorite Sesame Street songs is “Sing”. My kids and I sing to each other. We don’t just sing songs to each other. Sometimes we sing our conversations to each other.

I started this with my oldest child. I would ask her questions in song usually stealing the melody. Soon she picked up on this and would answer in song. Now my son sings with us. He is three and half and autistic. But he gets a real kick out of it and honestly is better at it then the rest of us.

We are in the process teaching this method of communication to the youngest sibling now. She doesn’t get it quite yet, but she is getting there. I have taught her to sing “I love you, do you love me” and she wants to sing this song all the time. We are hoping to progress on to other sentences soon.

Sometimes I get “stop singing mom” from the kids, but I just keep singing to them. I can imaging that a long time from now when I am gone they will sit around and talk about how irritating their mother was singing questions at them. Hopefully they will smile about it too.