It Is That Cool

Yesterday my 3 year old son Logan came into the living room wearing his swim trunks and said "Mommy I am ready to go to the beach lets go!"

This may not seem very significant to most people. But it made me cry. Yes I am a sappy mom, also 5 months pregnant. But it was more then that.

Logan is autistic. Six months ago he couldn't tell me he wanted to go to the beach let alone take his cloths off, and put on something different. With a purpose. He wanted something, got his trunks out, put them on and then declared his want. This is huge for him.

I have to call his teacher today and tell her. It is that cool.

God bless the Fountain Valley School District and their incredible Autism Program.

Party for Fourth Baby!

I have decided to have a baby shower for my fourth baby.

I wasn't sure if I was going to since it IS my fourth baby and all the etiquette questions come in to play.

But after all I am going through to get this little baby here, I want to celebrate! I am only 19 weeks this week so I know that it is still really early to start to plan something, but I am going to start anyway!

Here is the kicker, we aren't going to find out if it is a boy or girl. I have never been to a baby shower where we didn't know the gender. Our grandmothers and mothers generations had it hard! They are all rolling their eyes at us now!

I don't really care what people bring I just want to have a party! Many of my friends can attest to the fact I just really like to see all the people I love!

It is these moments that I am glad I live in CA where we don't have etiquette rules about baby showers for fourth children. Heck we don't have many etiquette rules as it is!

Here is how I see it, we should give this little person a party now because in a couple of years it will be the one forgotten in the house as I load up everyone else. Or the one that all the other kids pick on because it is the youngest. It will be the kid in all the hand me down cloths. He or she will never get a way with anything and pay the price of experienced parents. Because the other three will have already tried that excuse and we learn from our mistakes. This kid isn't going to have it's own room till Gwen goes to college.

So who's with me to throw a party for this kid?!?!

Better Choices for Daddy

Last night we had corn on the cob for dinner.

As my husband Travis started to cut his corn off of the cob, our three year old son Logan said "No daddy, you aren't supposed to do that."

Travis of course continued to cut his corn off of the cob and eat it. This was not acceptable to Logan. He got down out of his chair and announced "Daddy, you have to go to time out". Travis was sitting in a swivel chair and Logan swung him around and said "You stay in time out daddy."

Scarlett our two year old said "Oh, no daddy! I help", and turned her daddy back around.

Logan came over and pushed daddy into the corner and said "Daddy you go to time out till you can learn to make better choices."

The rest of us were rolling on the floor by this time. Daddy agreed to make better choices and was released from time out.

Good for Daddy.

Balance

My husband is a rock star of a provider for his family.

I never worry about wither or not there will be money coming in. He is just one of those guys that always does what he is supposed to do.

So when I was put on bed rest for an undetermined amount of time I never worried about him stepping up to the plate and doing what was needed to be done. Same for my family, I knew they would circle the wagons.

However, while I was stressing out about keeping this little nugget alive and well in my womb, he was stressing out about how in the world he was going to pull this off.

My family has stepped in to take of things while he is at work. They are doing a great job, better than if we hired someone.

So I was confused by his level of stress the other day. That was when he told me about the balance. Not that he called it that, he thought of it more like the trust.

I never thought if it from his point of view. Where I never think about the money coming in on payday, he never thinks about wither or not his kids are being taken care of at home.

I am a rock star of a mom. I get the job done. I am just one of those women that always does what I have to do to take care of my kids. (Laundry is another story).

Now he has to think about it ALL. It isn't a discredit to my family or his for their part in this journey we are on. It is naturally hard to just turn over the most precious people in your lives to someone else's care.

In a strange way it made me feel loved. There was this moment during our talk when I realized how much he trusts me and how scary this must be for him to have me out of commission.

We had a balance. That balance is now teetered all the way onto his side of the scales. But like a true champion of a dad and husband, he is baring the weight of it all beautifully.

Some things just make you stronger.

Mommy's Do What Mommy's Have To Do

When I found out I was pregnant with my 4th child I can honestly say I was shocked and a bit disturbed by it. As the busy mother of three kids it seemed impossible that I could have another one.

Not to mention that my 3 year old son is autistic and 2 year old daughter has really bad asthma and has been hospitalized several times in the last year.

I felt like an immature teenager that had "gotten knocked up". I felt embarrassed at times to tell people. Because I know what I would think about my situation. How could they not.

Then I made peace with it. I decided that this baby deserved to be loved and protected just as much as my other children. So when I had a gush of bleeding at the hospital last week, I was absolutely devastated. I was so sure I had lost my baby. My heart was shattered. When my husband came into the ER room, I just sobbed on him and kept saying how sorry I was. I felt like I had done something to our child.

When we went in for the ultrasound, I couldn't look at the screen. My husband pointed and said "Look, Jen". I could see the tears in his eyes. I turned and looked, and there was our baby. Heart beating and waving his/her little hands and kicking up a storm.

I was over joyed.

We found out what had caused the bleeding was a Subchorionic Hemorrhage that is about 50% of my placenta. Not good. Hence why I am on bed-rest.

So while bed rest sucks, I have made a vow to this little baby, to do everything I can to keep him/her in the oven till they are done cooking.

I am 14 weeks pregnant this week. I can't imagine being on bed-rest for the duration of my pregnancy, but mommy's do what mommy's have to do.

Sing, Sing a Song

Singing is good for the soul, even if sung out of key. One of my favorite Sesame Street songs is “Sing”. My kids and I sing to each other. We don’t just sing songs to each other. Sometimes we sing our conversations to each other.

I started this with my oldest child. I would ask her questions in song usually stealing the melody. Soon she picked up on this and would answer in song. Now my son sings with us. He is three and half and autistic. But he gets a real kick out of it and honestly is better at it then the rest of us.

We are in the process teaching this method of communication to the youngest sibling now. She doesn’t get it quite yet, but she is getting there. I have taught her to sing “I love you, do you love me” and she wants to sing this song all the time. We are hoping to progress on to other sentences soon.

Sometimes I get “stop singing mom” from the kids, but I just keep singing to them. I can imaging that a long time from now when I am gone they will sit around and talk about how irritating their mother was singing questions at them. Hopefully they will smile about it too.

Bed Rest Sucks

Many of the mothers that I know would probably agree with me that the idea of sitting in a bed for a few days doesn't really sound all that bad. Locked away from the screaming the whining. The constant onslaught of wants and needs. Bed rest seems like the ideal plan for any mother to "get away" from it all.

Maybe if you were staying at the Hyatt by the beach. But bed rest in your own home sucks.

I am one of the lucky ones too. I have a great family that just happens to have a couple members that don't work, and live close enough to be available for an extended period of time to come and take care of my three small children and my home.

But I am a control freak. I am bossy. I am so bossy and controlling that I am therapy to learn to not be so controlling and bossy. Twice a week. So for someone like to me to be in my own home where I can hear what is going on but not see it and not be able to get up and do anything about it is just plain torture. Torture not only for me, but for those around me. The really great people that have offered to give up their time and live in my home have to put up with me.

Today we tried a new approach. I was allowed out of my room and was set up on the really nice recliner in the living-room. Disaster. It put me right in the mix of things. So now not only could I hear everything but I could see it too. I started to bark orders and could feel my blood pressure rise with every command that was not obeyed. I finally (due largely to my time in therapy) announced that I needed to go back to my room to get as far away from my husband and his inability to achieve the perfect dad routine that I expected from him. My sister packed me up set me up in my room and said nicely before she left, "your bossy and I don't like it". Then she came back and offered me water and food. My husband came and brought me some movies and then they closed the door and said call if you need anything.

I am trying but lets face it, this is my home, my kids and it is a lot to ask anyone to just give it all up to others to run. You show me one mother or wife that can do that without a struggle.

I want my seat belt mommy...

Many times since my son was diagnosed with Autism we have been questioned if we really think he is autistic. Logan is a very enduring little boy who is high functioning autistic. Even some family members have questioned whether or not he is "really" autistic. We get comments like:

" don't you think Autism is the diagnosis of the 2000's like ADHD was in the 80's and 90's?"
" he doesn't look autistic to me"
" all little kids do things like that"

In the beginning (I say that like I have been doing this forever) these comments would feel like nails on a chalk board to me. I wanted to scream at them, I wanted to cry. Sometimes I wanted to say bad words to them. Let's face it, I still do sometimes. But I am getting used to it. Now I like to say things like "Why don't you come and stay with us for a couple of days then we can have this discussion again." or "Wow I will pass that on to team of experts that work with my son everyday that have Masters degrees in behavioral science. I am sure they will be very interested to hear that you did an Internet search for 10 frigging Min's".

I don't have time for this crap in my life today. Want to know what I deal with. Here is what happen yesterday:

In the rush to get everyone into the car after picking up Gwen from school I forgot to put Logan's seat belt on in the car seat. Now before you all do the intake of breath followed by the OMG's I live 2 small blocks from the school. Logan didn't notice his seat belt wasn't fastened till we were around the corner from our house. But he freaked out.

"Mommy I need to have my seat belt" he screamed. "Logan we are almost home honey it is ok" I said back. " NO MOMMY I NEED MY SEAT BELT" Logan insisted.

Now at this point I had already said no and the number one thing about parenting is that no means no right. With autistic kids, no has to mean, No way even if you scream at me for the next 3 hours.

Which is exactly what he did. He screamed in the drive way. He sat by the front door and screamed. He ran around the house screaming. "I need my seat belt on mommy". My six year old said, " Mom just take him back out to the car and put his seat belt on".

I know Gwen. It would have been the easy way out. But see, I took classes. I listen to the experts about my son. If I give in now he will be doing this to me when he is 12. Because my son IS autistic. He has rigidity. He has set lines that he doesn't know how to cross. He doesn't know that it is ok to ride in the car with out your seat belt for a block. He can't have that little bit of enjoyment that most kids get in breaking a small rule. He doesn't know that sometimes things are different and it is ok.

He doesn't now, but he will. That is what keeps me going. His future depends on what we do now with him. So even as easy as it would have been to just take him back out to the car and buckle that seat belt, I would be paying for it for years to come.

So to all the nay sayers and questioners I say thank goodness God gave ME this son. Who knows how bad you would have screwed him up.